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Thursday, August 7, 2008

I'm sick. & nobody seems to give a f. People may think I'm insane if I told them I cried myself dry in the toilet while bathing. But I did just that. I was telling all my problems to the wall. Fortunately, it made me feel slightly better although the wall didn't even responded. My face is red and swollen from all the tears pouring out, but nobody seems to notice. I shouted 'Babi' after my lil bro accidentally punched my left breast because he didn't get to play his game. He got me scolded by mother, Asshole. I've hated him since I don't know when. I told my journal part of what I've been feeling, the sadness that has been affecting me since God knows when. Now, I wish I hadn't done it. I don't know why, I think I ought to keep it to myself. I've been reading books on 'love'. And I'm hooked on it which I think resembles what I'm going through now. No, not happy, but confused, somehow.

For these past 4 days, I've been thinking over and over again. Repeatedly, over the same damn thing. No, I don't like it either, because it's saddening. I still think about all the things I did wrong. If I should have done this/that, I seem to really regret everything. I wish I can still save the relationship somehow, but it's getting worst now. Like G.O.N.E. I know there's nothing much I can do, but lie down and stare into blank spaces, reminiscing about the past. But if a Magical Genie comes and ask me to wish for one thing, damn right, I would have wished that Ayie is still the caring person that I know. No doubt about it. Like godamnit, I still do care about him. And it happened so fast, losing his love, I mean. Oh come on, if you were in my shoes, you'll be extremely hurt too right? Pfft, Okay, I'm stupid, I shouldn't have blog about this at the first place. But I can't help it, I miss him too much. I miss his face. I miss his smiles. I miss his hugs. I miss his kisses. I miss his ... everything. And having a conversation with him now seems ... empty? I miss the old conversations, where there's lots of things to say and when 'hearts&misses' fills up the conversation.:'(

Ayie, I miss you.





TIARA ATYRA

Welcome to Http://www.pynklover.blogspot.com

I'm TIARA ♥ and I'm pretty messed up.
I tend to make alot of mistakes.
And I like to keep things real.
Thank you.

TWENTY-ONE
09 june, 1992

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